


The Dying flames

by MickeyST



Series: Tony Stark: one hell of a life [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Behind the Mask, Drama & Romance, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark at MIT, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Triggers, Young Love, Young Tony Stark, abused Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MickeyST/pseuds/MickeyST
Summary: Tony had truly loved before he loved Pepper and I don't mean those one night stands. Erica was his world and it all came crashing down. Tony stopped calling Howard dad when he was 5. He started truly hating him on his 21st Birthday.An AU drabble into Tony's past and a take into why he become the Tony Stark we all know. Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first ever fic and its a bit raw, so I'm only posting to give some background for my man fic (CAEB- The darkness we hide) for anyone who wants to read it.

Tony couldn't stop smiling. In fact he had to try very hard not to skip and dance his way across the white marble floor of Stark Industries lobby. Instead he seemed to glide as he took long elegant strides, standing tall despite his small stature. Even so there was a definite bounce in his step that he had failed to hide, his broad shoulders were pulled back, relaxed, his strong core tensed so that only his limbs moved as he walked. He made the military posture look almost natural, a fact which had always puzzled Harold Hogan. This billionaire's son he'd been hired to drive had been anything but what he had expected. He'd only been on the job a few month ago, and his first impression of the younger Stark hadn't been the most desirable. Tony had got in the car, teased him about the fact he'd never smiled and nicknamed him Happy before the end of the journey. He hated that nickname. But since then he'd become quite fond of the quick witted genius, even if the infernal nickname had stuck and even spread amongst the other Staff.

There had been a definite change in Tony over the last few weeks and Happy was surprised to see him out of a suit for once, he was still dressed smartly, but the white silk shirt open at the neck and navy suit pants seemed casual on him. He seemed at ease, finally comfortable in his own skin rather than dressing up for his father. He silently wondered whether the teenager had ever picked his own clothes.

Tony slipped his black, wide rim sunglasses from his face and glanced down at the phone sitting in the palm of his hand. His eyes lit up, his handsome face broke into a dazzling smile which he couldn't help but hide. He looked towards the ceiling and sighed contently, seemingly taking it in as if for the first time. Colour flooded through his cheeks and he shook his head in satisfaction.

A small fire seemed to burn behind his eyes, Happy had noticed it the moment they met, those flames revealed a deep determination and passion, a sense of purpose that told him that this kid was something special. Today they burned brighter than ever before and to Happy it was obvious; he had never seen anyone so in love.

Happy followed Tony from a distance and saw Lieutenant Rhodes approaching out of the corner of his eye, wearing a smile as always.

"Who's the lucky girl?" Happy asked innocently, nodding towards Tony. Rhodey's face clouded over and Happy suddenly realised he'd put his foot in it, whatever _it_ was.

"How the hell did you know?" Rhodey's tone was shocked but not angry, he deliberately turned away from the other people bustling about the lobby, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"I- ermm, sorry! It just seemed kinda obvious" Rhodey visibly relaxed, letting the tension out of his body. "Is there a problem, I should know about?" Happy asked.

He was supposed to be Stark's chauffeur slash bodyguard, but his actual encounters with him had been rare. Stark was always so busy, he was never around and even when he was he never seemed to want anything. Most of the time Tony drove himself and then once Howard had ordered Happy to take him everywhere, Tony had taken to giving him the slip and disappearing off for hours at a time. In fact he had grown closer to Rhodey, Stark's best friend, than he had to his boss. The brief times they had actually talked, when he needed driving, he'd always been polite and kind with the exception of their first meeting, passing the odd joke with unrivalled sarcasm. Tony had a presence about him that had made Happy slowly warm to him.

"It's nothing really," Rhodey began uncomfortably and then reconsidered. He trusted Happy. "Ermm, well, to put it lightly Howard doesn't really approve, but between you and me he's been such a jackass to Tony." Happy looked across at Tony again; the one thing that you couldn't fail to notice was the rapidly unravelling relationship between father and son.

"That I'd gathered." He had a distinct feeling that whatever it was that was causing the friction between the two of them was not Tony's fault. The media portrayed him as the spoilt brat rebelling against his father, a national icon who could never be in the wrong. But if anything, it seemed Howard was jealous of his only child and he didn't want anyone to know just how much of genius the younger Stark was.

oOo

Tony couldn't contain it any longer, every time he saw her, every time she texted, every time the thought of her crossed his mind he felt his heart flutter and was overwhelmed with a surge of joy and longing, the likes of which he had never felt before. For once in his life everything just seemed so simple, so perfect. He spun round and threw a casual salute to Rhodey who was stood chatting to Happy behind him. He could tell he was going to get on with his new driver, he'd sensed he'd rubbed him up the wrong way when they first met, perhaps giving him that nickname so soon hadn't been in the best taste, but he couldn't avoid making comment on the unfortunate, stern way his face fell. It would take a while for him to pull the shy and solemn man out of his shell, but it was a challenge he looked forward too.

He faced front again to only just avoid running headlong into Obadiah who was striding purposefully towards him. "God, sorry Obi!" he said still smiling away,

"Just keep your eyes forward next time kid." He replied chuckling "Oh and happy birthday by the way! 20, you're getting old now kid!" Tony blushed with the sudden attention, he wasn't used to it. "Oh don't remind me Obi, you know I hate birthdays." They brought back bad memories, but nobody need know that. Obi shook his head in disbelief, and then remembered his urgent message. "Anyway that's not why I wanted to talk to you, the big boss man... your Dad," Tony flinched, he hated the word Dad, it was impossible to think of Howard as that. "Well, he wants to see you in his office, like right now and I don't think he's too pleased." Tony's heart fell, looks like something could ruin his day after all.

"When is he?"


	2. Altercations

Rhodey spotted the instant change in Tony's mood. Here we go, he thought to himself as Tony practically skulked through Howard's office door. Rhodey bit his lip and turned to Happy next to him.

"I might need a hand here," he whispered. Happy looked at him a little quizzically, but followed the Lieutenant as he edged to towards the office door. Howard had had been on the edge of getting pretty violent whenever he 'talked' to his son recently and Rhodes had definitely smelt the alcohol on his breath when they had passed each other earlier that morning. Tony never said anything in these encounters; he just stood there and took whatever his father had to throw at him as he worked himself into a rage. Rhodey had been nagging him for months to stand up for himself, but he prayed to God that today wouldn't be the day he finally found the courage to do so. He had a bad feeling that whatever this was, it wasn't going to end well.

Happy was, of course, oblivious to Howards drinking, there were very few people who weren't and as a result he was understandably confused by Rhodey's concern. But much to Rhodey's gratitude he didn't say a word and just followed. They both perched on the chairs outside the door inconspicuously and then it began.

oOo

Tony stepped through the door, closing it gently behind him; he didn't need to be asked. He also knew better than to sit down, 'wait till you're invited!' the harsh words echoed through the 6 year olds head, so he just loitered in the doorway.

"You wanted to see me." He said quietly, staring at the floor and shuffling uncomfortably. There was a silent pause. Howard looked up; there was the usual look of stern disappointment on his face. He put his head back into his work, it was after all much more important to finish that than talk to his son. Finally he pushed it to one side and looked Tony in the eye. 'Oh crap', Tony swallowed. Eye contact; that meant it was serious. His heart sank further. If Howard could avoid eye contact with his son he always did.

"How on earth have you managed to spend so much of your allowance this month?" Tony shifted uncomfortably; there was very little point in avoiding the question, but...

"What? I haven't spent that much." He said innocently.

"Don't try that with me Tony, you have spent $15,000 this month alone. Fifteen grand! So what the hell are you spending that kind of money on?" Tony stared in disbelief and rolled his eyes.

"Is that all this is about? I spent more last month, I spent a 200 grand on a car for God's sake and you didn't bat an eyelid." Tony began to grow irate, and it was mimicked by his father's tone. He took a deep breath trying not to lose his cool, but he knew where this conversation would lead and he didn't want to give up all his secrets just yet. He just hoped that he could stall things by arguing.

"That's because I knew what you were spending it on, this month it's just withdrawn from the account and gone, you've not got anything new so where the hell is the money Tony!"

"Why do you even care, you've never fucking cared before, besides we are not exactly short on the stuff!" Tony had, had enough, he usually watched his temper around his father it only lead to trouble, but he had been ignored and shunned by him all his life and finally he cracked.

"You ungrateful little shit; I had to work hard all my life for that money! You've never done an honest day's work in your stupid, fucking little life."

"That's rich!" Tony interrupted, his clenched fists starting to go white. He took a moment, should he really get into conflict with his father? Yes, it was about time he stood up for himself, or that was what Rhodes kept telling him. "For the last 5 years I've done all your bloody work for you, you haven't invented a damn thing and then you slap your name on everything I churn out for you, day in day out!" Howard stood up and slammed his fists down on the table.

"Damn it Tony!" His father's face grew a very unhealthy shade of red, his voice was deafening, but "You are an embarrassment! If I find out you're a bloody addict and you drag _my_ name through the mud I will destroy you!"

"Wha... Drugs, you think I'm on drugs?"

"It wouldn't be far for a failure like you to fall!"

"You fucking hypocrite, there's only one addict in this room Dad, look at you! Your hands were shaking when I came in, must have been what, 20 minutes since your last scotch?" Tony was furious at the accusation, it made him sick.

"How dare you!" Howard roared, but Tony refused to be intimidated.

"You want to know where your stupid money is, fine!" Tony knew it was pointless to hide it for any longer; his plan was failing and his father would never give in. "I gave it to Erica, so she could finish Uni." Howard practically exploded.

"You gave it to that manipulating bitch! Tony you idiot, can't you see that girl is no good"

"Why? Because she's not rich!"

"NO TONY! Can't you see she's using you, stop trying to throw your life away over a stupid teenage fling?"

"Oh shut up you old bastard! You don't know anything about her and I'm not a kid anymore." He daren't pause while he had the rare command of his father's attention. "Oh, yeah, and I also got her this!" Tony pulled a delicate velvet ring case out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a simple but stunning silver, sapphire ring.

"We are getting married and there is nothing you can do to stop it!" Howard's face looked ready to burst and his whole body shook with rage. Tony, despite his own anger, couldn't help but smirk internally at the state of his so called father. Just before Howard could open his mouth to respond Tony threw in the finishing touch. "And by the way, she's pregnant!"

Tony turned to make a quick exit, and that's when the shit hit the fan…


	3. Picking up the pieces

Rhodes and Happy sat outside for the duration, the room was meant to be sound proof but they could hear most of it once the yelling had started and it hadn't taken long. Happy wriggled uncomfortably in his chair. They were tearing each other apart in there! He hadn't realised quite how bad it was between the two geniuses.

Rhodey got up and barged his way in when things started smashing, at long last Tony was standing up for himself but why did it have to be today? Happy Birthday Tony, Rhodey thought, as he opened the office door. He gritted his teeth as the full force of the argument hit him and nearly knocked him right back into the lobby. The angry voices burst out into the lobby making startled customers jump and stare in their direction. Rhodey had to drag Tony out, holding him tight to his body as he angrily writhed and tried get back in. Happy had never seen Tony like this, his eyes... He stood at the door gawping for a few seconds, before composing himself and going over to help Rhodes. Obadiah strode across the lobby towards them, having been torn from a meeting by the ensuing chaos. "What the hell is going on!?" The question didn't really seem to be directed at anyone as he looked around hopelessly. After a pause while Rhodes struggled with Tony, he stormed into Howard's office slamming the door behind him.

Rhodey tore Tony away and out of the public view, pinning him against a wall until he started to calm down. There was no point talking to him, Rhodey could see the pain in his eyes, the flames danced and flickered wildly. There was only one thing that could have got him so riled up and he was utterly on Tony's side with this. Rhodey had met Erica a few times and there was nothing malicious or using about that girl, in fact he had never met anyone so genuine and caring. Rhodey was a sceptic when it came to love, but that had all changed when he'd seen Tony with Erica, if there were two people in the world who were completely perfect for each other it was these too. Tony, clearly dizzy and disorientated, slid down the wall to sit crouched on the floor, head in hands still breathing heavily. Tony's hands were red with blood. Rhodey swore under his breath, where the hell was it coming from? Rhodey moved closer to Tony and followed the trail of blood back to the gaping wound behind his ear. He examined it gently, but Tony seemed oblivious as blood continued to run down into his hands. Presumably one of the many vase casualties of the argument must have hit him and didn't think for one moment it would have been an unfortunate accident, more a deliberate aim.

Happy was stood staring, not knowing what to do or say or if he should even be there. Rhodey turned to him, "could you get a first aid kit Mr. Hogan." He nodded and practically ran down the corridor, glad to be finally able to be of some use.

Rhodey lifted Tony's head from his hands, he was plainly unaware of the wound and quite obviously concussed. He seemed shaky, absent minded and Rhodey was now having to practically hold him up straight. "He can't stop me from seeing her!" Tony gasped struggling to hold back tears; his speech was a little slurred. Rhodey pressed him gently back into the wall. "Just calm down mate, ok?" He looked him right in the eyes partly to show his sincerity but mostly to assess the extent of his concussion. "We'll figure it out, just stay calm." Tony didn't seem to notice; his eyes were glazed over, the flames moving in slow motion as he stared fixatedly at one point on the wall. He threw up.

The distinctive shuffle of Happy's feet on the tiles signified his return, he handed the first aid kit Rhodey who started to prise a small piece of shattered blue porcelain from the wound. "Tony mate, how many fingers am I holding up?" Rhodey helplessly tried to attract Tony's wavering attention to his outstretched hand; Tony didn't get chance to reply as Obadiah emerged from round the corner, his permanent frown seemingly wiped for the moment. Obadiah picked up the discarded piece of vase and inspected it. "Well it must have been a whopper for your father to break his favourite Ming vase, you mother gave him that you know! I'm sorry I missed all the fun." Tony stifled a delayed and half-hearted smile, Obis attempt to lighten the situation really wasn't helping. Tony's head rocked slightly from side to slide as his vision blinkered in and out of clarity.

Obadiah raised an eyebrow "is he ok?" Rhodey's eyes were fixed on Tony as he snapped his fingers failing to get any sought of response.

"Tony?" Rhodey's heart leapt. He nudged Tony's shoulder gently and the man reeled forward into his arms.

"Oh God!" exclaimed Happy, Stane rushed forward to help lay Tony on the ground.

"Ok, his concussion must be worse than I thought." Rhodey inspected the wound more thoroughly. "Should I call an ambulance?" Happy hated feeling this helpless.

"No it's ok Happy, we have the facilities we need here, and I'll keep an eye on him. He should be fine if we can get him to rest for a few days."

"That will be a challenge." Obadiah muttered "I still think he should see a Doctor."

"NO DOCTORS!" Tony was coming back round and already trying to stagger back to his feet.

"Ok I take it back he's fine" Obadiah chuckled; Rhodes was trying and currently failing to stop Tony storming off back down the corridor.

"Could you give me a hand with him?" Obadiah nodded. "Let's get him back to his flat." Between the two of them they grabbed Tony and supported him despite the mumbled protests, as they moved he could take less and less of his own weight. "Thanks Happy." Rhodey nodded by way of a dismissal. Tony passed out instantly when he hit the mattress.

oOo

Tony's eyes blinked open. All he could hear was a dull throbbing and pain shot through his skull as he tried to move. He held back a silent groan as he tried to gage his surroundings. His shoulders pressed into the familiar warmth of his mattress and as his blurry vision began to clear he realised he was in his room. He ever so gently sat up, being careful not to jolt his fragile head. He felt sick, there was a foul taste in the back of his dry throat and he realised he didn't look much better than he felt. The gash in the side of his head had been carefully stitched, taped and cleaned while he was asleep; he guessed that was Rhodey's handy work. The thought made him smile briefly, before his mind began to clear and the events of that afternoon flooded back into his head.

He took out his phone and started packing a bag, just the essentials, money, clothes, toiletries and of course the engagement ring. He guessed he had been out a few hours by the sight of the darkening sky outside, there was no time to lose. He made the call. Erica was bewildered but ready and willing. For once his life meant something, he loved Erica and she loved him. When he was with her he was happy, he didn't feel trapped or a disappointment. He was going to be a father and that was all that mattered now. The only way they could be together is if they skipped town for good. Within minutes he was ready; he reached the door but then turned back, pulling out his passport. They may have to do more than skip town to escape his father. He looked around the room one last time and knew it was for the best, he would miss Rhodey like crazy and Obi, he had been a friend and much more of a father than Howard could ever be, hell he'd even miss Happy too he supposed, shame they would never really get to know each other. He didn't bother closing the door behind him.


	4. Running for the border

"Are you sure you won't let me drive, you're really in no condition." Erica giggled at Tony's statement, she was only three months pregnant and her baby bump was only just starting to show. It had taken her a long time to summon up the courage to tell Tony, she knew he loved her but a baby! It would ruin his whole life; Howard would never stand for it, what if he didn't want the baby? What if he didn't want her anymore? Of course she knew deep down it was just the hormones talking, she knew Tony better than that but she had never been so happy as the day she finally told him. His reaction was priceless; she could see in his eyes his entire world fall into place, the flames danced and leapt higher setting his eyes ablaze.

Ever since she told him, he had been doing everything for her, planning and running around on errands and being ridiculously protective of her… of them both. It would have been damned infuriating if it wasn't so utterly adorable! She thought back to the day they met in her favourite hiding spot at MIT, he was 16 and soon to graduate and she was just starting her first year aged 17. She still didn't think she deserved him, he was so perfect, and nothing like the spoilt brat the media portrayed him as. She'd seen behind that mask very early on into their relationship, seen the real Tony Stark. Four long years later she felt so lucky, he could have chosen any girl, the nation's women swooned over the Stark prodigy, but he had chosen her.

Sat in the back seat of the little Nissan Tony Stark was thinking exactly the same thing. Erica was so beautiful, her short silky black hair, stunning emerald eyes and flawless olive skin gave her the looks of a super model and her smile, so warm and genuine that it tamed the roaring fire behind his eyes. He could never be good enough to deserve her, but he'd spend the rest of his life trying.

"Oh, I'm in no condition to drive!" she said sarcastically. "You couldn't even walk to the car without falling over!" Erica shot a quick glance in the mirror and giggled at Tony's sulking face.

"Yes I could, I'm fine I keep telling you!" Erica could only laugh at that. 'Ok' Tony admitted to himself, maybe he wasn't really in the best state to be driving right now, but still! They were driving to the nearest port, just praying that they were on the water before Howard noticed Tony was gone or they'd both likely be escorted from the terminal by armed Feds. He'd left a note for Rhodey knowing he'd likely come to check on him, telling him to put off Howard for as long as possible, and now all they could do is hope.

"I still can't believe he hit you." Tony took a second to process the words, his head still pounding and a deep black mark below his eye starting to swell from Howard's right hook.

"I suppose I deserved it, all my life I've let him down, I'm just not a good enough son."

"What!" Erica scoffed "not good enough? Tony he is a monster! He should be locked up!" Tony just stared at the floor and stayed silent. Erica couldn't believe that his father still had such a hold on him, Tony he had spent his whole life trying to please a man who saw him as nothing but a disappointment. She couldn't believe that he was still trying to make his dad proud after 20 years of harsh words and abuse. No, she didn't believe this was the first time Howard had hit his son. She knew there was a lot of his childhood that Tony hadn't shared with her, but that was ok, she didn't expect him to. Tony was just a kid when she met him, but he was already broken. He was very good at hiding it, but she knew that his past hid some unspeakable trauma's and was far from the perfect, privileged upbringing that so many of the other students hated him for. When he was ready to talk she would be there, but until that day she was going to push for answers.

They drove on in silence for another half hour until they stopped at a red light. Tony undid his seatbelt and clambered into the front passenger seat. He laid his head on Erica's shoulder and she lay her head on his.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He looked up into her eyes, "Are you sure you want to leave everything behind, your family…"

"Will understand" She smiled. "And who knows we might be able to come back one day when all this has settled down."

Tony shuffled up, clicking in his seatbelt as the lights turned green. He couldn't help but feel that they would have to keep running for a long time. Howard wouldn't let this go. Tony would have to use all his genius to escape and have a normal happy life.

It wasn't long before Tony slipped back into unconsciousness, the harsh glare of the city lights and car headlamps were stirring his headache into a full blown migraine. His sleep was shorter than he would have liked, as the rhythmic hum of the engine came to a halt at a small gas station he was jolted awake prematurely, but the short slumber had offered him some relief from his throbbing head. Erica hurried in the darkness to fill the car as quickly as possible. Tony was careful to walk hunched and keep his face hidden from the CCTV cameras which seemed to be boring into him. He tried to look as normal as possible, discarding his usual strict posture. A hood would be too obvious but without one he felt vulnerable, he could only hope that the footage wouldn't be flagged up.

They had borrowed the car from Erica's distant cousin and ditched their Phones on a Boulevard miles away from where they were really heading. He could only hope the decoy bought them some time, it would never throw off his father, he would be more than suspicious about the all too convenient clue, but he had hardly had time to formulate any solid plans so it would have to do.


	5. Hell on Earth

Tony paid cash. Along with the gas they'd bought enough supplies to last them the journey. There were a few weird items in there due to Erica's very odd cravings which got them some raised eyebrows at the counter. Tony slipped back into the front seat, arms full of supplies and looked over to Erica, she was ready with her seatbelt on and they pulled away slowly. Erica glanced over at him as he twisted round and leant into the back, ditching his cargo of food and drink onto the back seat. "Tony," she started "Don't forget to put on your s-…" She never finished.

It came out of nowhere. Erica was blinded as the windscreen filled with a dazzling light. A huge, black truck launched itself out of a side street and flicked its lights on full beam. It wore a Stark industries logo.

They never stood a chance. Erica slammed on the brakes but the lorry ploughed straight through the driver's door. Tony's world span out of control. He felt himself smash into the pillar as he cart-wheeled out of the windshield. He was in the air for what seemed like an eternity. The screech of tearing metal filled his ears. Lights spiralled and flashed into darkness. He met the road at 45kph and bounced, scraping head over heel along the asphalt.

It took a while for the world to stop spinning and come back into focus. Why couldn't he breathe? He panted and gasped for air, his chest rattled and wracked with coughs that sent pain screaming through his body. His senses began to clear, the smell of gas filled his nostrils and he could hear the faint crackling of flames. Erica!

He felt no pain and he scrambled to his feet. He tried to run but it was like wading through treacle. His heart leapt as the flames spread closer and closer to the gas tank. Something surged inside him. Suddenly he could run. A few metres from the car his left knee buckled underneath him. Still no pain. He crashed down on his side, his ribs gave. No more air came when he breathed. He hopped a bit further before his other leg weakened and then he scrabbled along the road until he reached the Nissan's metal carcass.

There wasn't much left of the driver's side. The car was on its roof, but in all honestly it was hard to tell where that ended and the floor began. Tony squeezed himself through the gap where the windshield used to be and lay on his back staring up at Erica. She was covered in blood, her eyes open and glazed. His heart stopped. "Eric!" He choked and tried to reach up to her. She flinched and tried to call out to him but all that came was a strangled, choking gasp.

Tony could the see flames licking around the back of the car. They were running out of time. Erica was hung upside down, seatbelt fastened and crushed between the mangled walls of the car. He pressed the seatbelt release but it wouldn't give. He tugged and tugged at the buckle. Erica was fading fast, barely conscious. There was so much blood. It was dark in the car; the amber glow of from the flames was the only light and it was spreading fast. He fought back the rising lump in his throat and calmed his frantic strangled breathing. He grasped the seatbelt with both hands and pulled. He cried out with the effort but still felt nothing. Erica fell into his arms as he tore the seatbelt out of the floor.

Clutching her tightly he started to slide them out the car. Shards of glass tore his back but he didn't care. He scrambled and pulled until he could only see the night sky above him and then turned onto his front. He grabbed Erica gently under the arms, but he couldn't move her, her legs were still wedged above them inside the car. There was no longer any panic in her eyes; the light behind them was slowly fading.

"Hang on Eric, Hang on!" She smiled weakly as Tony struggled to free her.

"Go." Her voice was rasping and barely a whisper. Her eyes began to slide closed.

"No!" He began to crawl back inside the car, when someone strong grabbed him round the waist and tore him away. Tony tried to fight, to make his way back to Erica but his strength was gone.

The car exploded. A ball off flames engulfed the mangled carcass and Tony died inside. Sirens and flashing lights came into view.

"Someone help her!" He tried to scream "Please!" but nothing came out. There was no air. For the first time he noticed he was coated in something warm and sticky, something red. A burning pain began to tear through him, but it was nothing compared to the pain of knowing he had lost them.

He was turned onto his back again by his saviour. He choked at the thought. He wished they hadn't, he wished he was dead by her side.

"Tony, stay with me!" An all too familiar voice pulled him out of the swirling darkness that was gathering. His blurred vision let him make out the outline of a man kneeling over him. "It's going to be alright, son, I'm here." Tony jerked; Howard looked away from him, attracting the attention of the medics which were now swarming around him. How was Howard here? The blackness was sucking him in again and his mind refused to answer.

But then it all clicked. He glanced over at the lorry as he was eased into a neck brace and lifted onto a stretcher. A black spray can hissed in someone's hand and the Stark Industries logo disappeared without a trace. This was no accident, this was planned. He did this, HOWARD did this! A wave of despair washed over him, how could he have been so stupid, how didn't he see this coming. 'Erica I'm so sorry! This is all my fault!' He didn't have the strength to cry. He met his father's eyes and he looked at him with disdain, wishing he would die instead, wishing he would pay for what had done.

Howard saw the rage in Tony's pale face as the realisation hit. He knew. He watched the flames in Tony's eyes fade and die. From that moment Howard knew he had lost his son forever, he would never forgive him though he didn't suppose he deserved to be forgiven.

Tony didn't fight the gathering darkness, though he knew where it would probably lead. Death didn't frighten him anymore, he wanted it. He deserved it. He had lost everything. It felt quite nice, dying. It was easy and painless, just like falling asleep. He hoped it had been the same for her, that she hadn't felt the flames eating away at her flesh. He thought of their son, his child would never be born, never see the light of day. As the ambulance doors closed a tear slid down his cheek and mingled with the blood that stained his skin, but he had long since lost consciousness. The darkness wrapped around him like a warm blanket and he welcomed it. Slowly the sounds of sirens and panicked voices slid away into silence, everything was still and quiet and dark. He liked it. The world slowly faded away and finally, he knew no more.


	6. Broken and Betrayed

Rhodes looked down on his sleeping friend with concern. The steady rhythm of Tony's heart bleeped out of the life support machines surrounding him and the ventilator hissed steadily. Tony was stable and it should have been comforting; but it wasn't.

It had been a tough few days since the accident. They had managed to re-inflate his collapsed lung and fit a chest tube in the ambulance to stabilise his breathing, allowing his punctured lung to heel. His left knee was popped back into place and his fractured ankle cast, the deeper lacerations in his back where stitched, his many other cuts were cleaned and dressed. His 5 broken ribs had been the main cause for concern, but after an X-ray & MRI they needed no surgery since they had done further internal damage other than to his lung. Most of the damage had been done trying to save Erica, his lung, knee and ankle trying to reach her and the worst of his cuts and minor burns trying to free her. Rhodes couldn't imagine how Tony found the strength to do all of that, to push through the pain and to tear the seatbelt clean out of the floor. But then again humans can lift cars in the heat of the moment to save someone they love and he imagined Tony would have done the same if it would have saved her.

He was all patched up by the time they reached the hospital. He had been so lucky, he had no life threatening injuries and there would be no lasting damage. So why had they had to restart his heart 3 times in the last few days? Why would he still not breathe on his own? And why would he not wake up?

Rhodes had been told that neither of them had been wearing a seatbelt which instantly rung alarm bells. It was clear by the extensive gravel rash and cuts on Tony that he had been thrown out of the car and into the road, but Erica? Tony would never have let his pregnant girlfriend move an inch in the car without a seatbelt, heck, he wouldn't even let her walk to the fridge half the time. Something smelt about this, like how did Howard arrive in the ambulance with Tony. How did he just happen to be there when the crash happened? Then there was the ambulance; arriving just moments after the crash, as if it had called before it even happened. Coincidence? Not a chance in hell.

What was worse was Howard looked guilty; he was as pale as Tony when they arrived, the look in his eyes said it was his fault, like he'd just done something terrible. He'd seen the look so many times when his comrades shot down their first enemy fighter, they hadn't had a choice and it was a war, but taking life was never easy. Though Howard made his choice to order the crash, of that Rhodes was certain, the only part Howard couldn't live with is the fact that Tony got hurt too. But then Rhodes reconsidered. Howard had hurt his son before directly, there was more to this... This whole thing had been about Howard being afraid of losing Tony to Erica, but he'd got what he wanted, he'd got his son back so why was there regret? Unless he'd lost Tony anyway through this, unless Tony had already figured out what his father had done.

It made sense. He looked at his best friend lying still, his face pale and lifeless, his limbs were limp and defeated and there was no fight anymore. He looked defeated, betrayed. He knew that if Tony opened his eyes and looked at him the flames would be gone. He'd lost everything and he didn't want to go on living. But he wasn't going to hell just yet, Rhodey wasn't going to let him, because for all Tony felt he couldn't live without Erica, Rhodey sure as hell couldn't deal with losing his best friend.

Rhodey was so lost in thought he didn't hear Obadiah come to stand behind him. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and turned to see who it belonged to. "All wounds heal in time you know." Rhodes turned back to his friend. God, how he wished he could believe that. He'd seen so many wounds in his lifetime and knew all too well that lost limbs never grew back, the dead never come back and he doubted a heart as torn apart as Tony's would ever truly heal. "Go take a break." Obadiah slipped a $10 bill into Rhodey's palm, "Grab some food, take a nap and give me a bit of time alone with him will ya." Rhodes did admit he was tired, he just didn't want to leave his friend at a time like this, and Tony needed him. Obadiah saw the hesitant look in Rhodey's face and smiled. "I'll call you if anything happens and stay until you get back. Take your time. He won't be left alone." Rhodey nodded gratefully and left, he grabbed something from the canteen but was asleep long before he had chance to eat it.

oOo

Obadiah sat beside Tony's bed and sighed. He knew he was partly to blame for this; after all he'd helped to organise it. Howard had been so desperate to get ride of Erica, he'd formulated the plan and Obadiah had made it happen. He couldn't say he felt bad about betraying Tony, it was for his own good after all, but in front of him lay a broken man and that saddened him a little. He was fond of Tony but careful not to form an emotional attachment; He knew Tony saw him as more of a father than he ever did of Howard and if Tony knew he'd been betrayed by both his 'fathers' it would be the final nail in his coffin. But Obadiah didn't want that, at least not yet; If Howard lost Tony he would be a broken man, the company would suffer and all his careful planning would be in vain. He knew he was in for the long haul, but it would be worth it in the end. He sighed again and rubbed his head, he'd probably lose what little hair he had left over this, and he would have to be the glue that held everything together over the next few months, consoling the grieving prodigy and comforting the worried father. He would be the shoulder for the Stark's to lean on, gaining their trust before taking control of the company that was more his than it ever would be a Stark's. His hard work would be rewarded, but now he had to pull a despairing man out of a coma.

oOo


	7. Searching for a reason

A steady beeping met Tony's ears; he recognised it as his own heart beat. So he was still alive then. Was that a good thing? He wasn't really sure anymore, a few hours ago he would have said no but there didn't really seem much point to either at the moment. Life, death what does it really matter? Either way he wouldn't get what he wanted.

Urgh if he was alive that meant he was in hospital, God he hated hospitals… more bad memories, none as bad as this time though. In many ways he wished he could just forget the deep nagging pit inside of him that was filling him with sorrow and despair, the events of a few days ago were etched into his memory on a harrowing replay that gave him no relief from the agony of losing them, and the agony of the betrayal that put him here.

A deep sigh cut through his thoughts, he would recognise that voice anywhere. Obadiah started to speak. "Look Tony I don't know if you can hear me so I'll just pretend for sanity's sake you can, alright?" It was nice to hear a human voice amongst the machinery, however muffled his cloudy head made it sound. The numbness in his body was beginning to slowly subside and his throat felt cramped and uncomfortable from the ventilator, oh that was coming out! "Look, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now and I don't know exactly what happened out there, but your father is in a state." 'Don't call him that! He is not my father!' No words could escape Tony's mouth but an angry spike on the heart rate monitor conveyed his message. Obadiah jumped a little and after a pause seemed to understand. "OK I know, but he's sorry Tony, truly sorry. It might be hard for you to believe but he loves you, more than words can say. His actions may not make much sense but everything he does, right or wrong, is for you." 'Huh, and that's supposed to make this alright is it?' You've got to come back to us mate, if only to tell Howard he's a jackass." There was silence for a while. Tony didn't know what to think anymore, his mind was screaming bullshit, Howard had never loved his son, but there was probably some truth in Obadiah's words, however twisted the logic might be. Either way it didn't matter, he would never forgive Howard, never stop hating him and maybe he did need to say it to his face. "Nobody expects you to forgive him Tony." 'Ha, I should bloody think not!' "Rhodes is tearing himself inside out, he needs you Tony don't let him down." Rhodey. The thought brought something other than sorrow into his heart and it felt so good.

As if by magic Rhodey's voice, drained and tired, but his all the same, cut into the room. "Thanks for that Obi." Tony's senses were starting to become clearer, Rhodey's voice came through much crisper after Obadiah's muffled speech; he felt a prickling sensation in his arm as Rhodey reached down to touch him, the clouds of darkness surrounding him where starting to lift. Looks like he was coming back whether he liked it or not.

Obadiah got up to leave, "I'll leave you guys to it, I'm pretty sure he can hear you." Rhodey nodded and waited for him to leave. Again there was a brief moment of silence, what was it with hospitals and awkward moments? He hadn't even woken up and he wanted out of there so badly. "I don't know what to say to you Tony." Rhodey sighed; this was going to be hard. "There are no words that make this better, that can make losing her any easier." Tony choked inside, the heart monitor dipped briefly while he composed himself and then stabilised. "I can barely imagine how much she meant to you or what you are going through right now, but Tony none of this is your fault, none of it." Trust Rhodey to know that Tony blamed himself, but if he had just got there quicker, done something differently; there was no excuse he should have saved her.

Rhodey looked around nervously double checking, he was truly alone. There was no one there but he lowered his voice anyway, the last thing he wanted is to be dead on a slab next to Erica, and probably Tony at this rate. "I don't know how much you know, and I don't know a lot myself but I know this wasn't an accident Tony, you've realised it already. Howard is keeping this out of the press; apparently you're on holiday somewhere." He scoffed "you can't let Howard get away with this; you've got to stand up for Erica, for her memory." He was really struggling for words so changed the topic again. "There was nothing you could have done mate, some things are just out of our control." Tony smiled internally, Rhodey was anything but stupid but Tony refused to believe that he couldn't have done anything. He wanted to make Howard pay, but how on earth do you make accusations like that against a national icon like Howard? He could be damned certain there would be no evidence; it would just be his word against his father's. "Erica wouldn't want you to blame yourself." God, Rhodey he felt like he was grasping at straws! But that was true Tony thought, Erica always found the silver lining in the darkest cloud, but how could anything positive ever come from this. She would tell him to pull himself together, to get out of bed and go live his life. But how could he do that? Where would he find the strength? He was so tired of fighting, of living.

Rhodey stared at his friend, frustration coursed through him as again he saw no change. "Dammit Tony! Why don't you wake up?" Nothing. "It's because you don't want to isn't it. Well listen Tony she is gone! they are both gone- to a better place or whatever the fuck you want to believe. They don't need you anymore, but I sure as hell do! I need you Tony Stark, you are my best friend, you're all I have left too you know, I know what you are going through! So don't you dare give up on me!" It hit Tony like a tonne of bricks. That is where he would find the strength, in his best friend. Looks like he would have to fight a while longer, despite the pain he felt because he couldn't inflict that on his best friend, no matter how bad things got.

'Right so how do you get out of a stupid coma?'

oOo

Rhodey fell asleep, head in hands when Tony didn't wake up, he hoped he hadn't been too harsh on him and made things worse. He didn't really sleep; more pressed the pause button until something, anything changed; preferably for the better! He certainly didn't dream though he was glad of that, he doubted with all the stress and worry that they would be pleasant if he did. It looked like he would be playing the waiting game, but how long could they wait before they let Tony get what he wanted and turned off the life support. No, that was just too painful to think about. Howard could afford to keep him on life support forever and that's what he'd bloody well do unless Tony finally realised that he wasn't going to get his own way this time. Rhodes tried not to keep thinking of the friends and family he'd already lost, but hospitals bring back bad memories for everyone. He was not going to let Tony join that list, it just wasn't an option.

oOo


	8. Broken Promises, Broken Futures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for self harm in this chapter and suicide attempt, proceed with caution.

The monitor flat lined. It was so sudden. There had been no warning. Rhodey woke up with a start and thought he must still be dreaming, prayed that he was still dreaming, but he wasn't.

The room was thrown into chaos as the crash team arrived, Rhodey was torn away from his best friend's side and the door was slammed shut. "Tony! What's happening… what's…?" Rhodes choked back tears and was firmly directed to sit down in the row of chairs outside Tony's room by a strong pair of hands. Obadiah was in shock, he had thought the kid was going to pull through, they all had, he was getting better, there wasn't that much wrong with him. It looked like their pep talks hadn't had the desired effect. Tony was a broken man, he'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't the only one standing between him and taking over the company. How could this be happening?

He looked at Stark's best friend, rocking forward and backwards gently in his seat, eyes focused solely on the lifeless man through through the window, the blinds only half drawn. He was trying very hard not to burst back in there. He saw the carefully contained worry, and the sense of knowing that he had just lost his best friend. The poor guy, he was starting to regret his part in the plan now, everything was going wrong. Then he glanced down the corridor and his heart sunk. Why now?

Howard Stark chose the perfect moment to arrive. He had stepped gingerly around the corner but seeing the commotion at Tony's bedside through the window he immediately started running. Rhodes snapped out of his trance at the sound of running feet and his worry filled eyes suddenly flashed with anger. He wasn't usually the type of person to react in rage, but seeing as his friend was in cardiac arrest when there was only one person to blame caused him to completely lose control.

"Charging, Clear!"

"Clear!"

*Thud*

"Still no output!"

Somehow Obadiah managed to stop the charging marine from engaging his target, only probably because Rhodes was all too aware of the damage a trained soldier could do to a man, and despite his rage he had a conscience. Howard seemed torn, he wanted so much to be by his son's side, yet his guilt was telling him to run.

Rhodey made his decision for him. "You Bastard! You absolute Bastard!"

Obadiah was working hard to restrain the writhing Marine and Howard was unable to feign even the slightest pretence of innocence. Obadiah gave Howard a look, the 'just go, I'll sort this out' look he had given so many times in his career and Howard almost skulked away.

The pain in Howard's eyes intrigued Obadiah, it was one he had certainly never seen before. Howard had never expressed any real love for his Son, and he strongly suspected he'd beaten him on multiple occasions, so why now? Why did he now suddenly realise he loved his son and that he couldn't bear to lose him? Could it really be true that 'You don't realise what you've got till it's gone', did the world really work like that? As far as he could tell Howard only ever regarded his son as a trophy, a way of gathering more fame and media attention. He seemed to expect his son to be as good as he was from the day he was born, to act as an adult at only 5 years old. It was when Tony started to show signs of surpassing his father that the problems had started.

But _this_ was not part of the plan, Tony was not supposed to die and Howard was not supposed to be left a broken man. The company was going to suffer, all his hard work was disappearing down the drain right in front of his eyes.

How long had it been? Rhodey's attention returned to Tony as he finally stopped struggling against Obadiah. Despair was eating away at his insides and he couldn't shake the terrible feeling that sat heavy on his shoulders. This couldn't be happening, this was NOT happening!

"Charging again, clear!"

"No wait!"

"We have a pulse!"

Rhodey collapsed to his knees, silently, whilst Obadiah gave a sigh of pure relief. There were a few minutes of waiting before the door finally opened and the early light of morning spilled into the corridor.

There were so many questions Rhodes needed to ask, but he couldn't speak.

The young Doctor met them with a truly optimistic smile, "He's going to be fine, needless to say we weren't expecting that, but he's ok and seems to have turned a corner."

"So why did his heart stop, what's going on?" Rhodes was immediately composed and on his feet.

"We don't know, it just happens that way sometimes but his pulse is very strong now and he is showing signs of breathing on his own, so I'll be back to check on him in half an hour and try weaning him off the ventilator."

"Ok, thank you Doctor." Rhodey went straight back to his friend's side.

oOo

Tony was trying hard to wake up, but it was so frustratingly slow. He senses seemed to be sharpening, he could hear the soft breathing of what he guessed was Rhodey beside him, and he could taste the chemical hospital air, smell that familiar stench of disinfectant that made him recoil. Yet he still couldn't move, he strained to open his eyes and felt his eyelashes flutter, tickling his skin. It was dark, but there was a faint orange tinge creeping into the corners of his blurry vision. So it was nearly morning. The pain he was fighting against suddenly became unbearable, everything starting fading and becoming numb. Shit, maybe he pushed to hard too soon. He was sucked into blackness. His body wasn't ready to wake up just yet and was making a stand. That's when the monitor flat lined.

The first thing that Tony heard after that was the electric whine of the defibrillator. Ok, so he guessed this wasn't so good. He braced for the shock but it never came, of course, if he could hear things then he wasn't still in cardiac arrest. He could feel his lungs being forced to breath and didn't like it, the steady hiss of the ventilator confirmed his suspicions and he tried to fight against it but it was pointless, he was still too weak. His senses were returning faster this time. He could hear Rhodey's voice, that was nice, and he came and sat next to him. Everything was quite for a while. He started again to open his eyes and his eyelids obliged, flicking open to reveal that the orange glow had broken into daylight. He took a breath and nearly choked. Damn that bloody ventilator was coming out. He raised his arm to grab it and jumped slightly when he actually his hand grasp the plastic. The sudden movement sent a pain through his body and he forced a groan.

Rhodey jerked round at the sound of his friend's pain.

"Oh My God! Tony you're awake."

Tony's eyes flickered open after bracing against the pain and seemed to say 'no shit Sherlock!' which made Rhodey chuckle inside. He took his friend's hand away from the ventilator and lowered it gently to his side. "I'll get someone to take that out for you, just give me a minute."

Rhodey jumped up and ran into the corridor, looking both ways for any sign of a doctor. He had, had to try so hard not to jump on his friend and hug him to death, overjoyed was an understatement. There was no one in sight so he popped his head back into the room. "I'll be back in minute Tony, don't do anything stupid." Tony rolled his eyes and gently waved a tired hand dismissively, so Rhodey took the signal to go in search of a doctor.

Like hell Tony was waiting for a doctor, they would poke and prod him, fill him up on pain relief to make him drowsy and then try to keep him in for weeks on end to 'moniter'. Nah ah, that was not going to happen. He couldn't stay here. The second Rhodey was out of sight, Tony moved quickly yet smoothly to reduce his body's painful protests. He tugged at the wire feeding his ventilator until it finally came free from the wall, immediately little lights started flashing and machines gave out there customary annoying bleeps in protest to the sudden removal of input, but he could now breath as he wished, although the tube down his throat ached. That was the next to come out and God it felt weird, like something clawing its way up the inside of his throat. He cursed mentally, he was probably doing it wrong. He stopped pulling to reassess but it didn't ease the uncomfortable and peculiar feeling so he pulled the wretched chest tube out as fast as he could. Coughing and gaging much to the disgust of his ribs, he cast the offending article onto the floor and started straining at his chest leads. The monitor flat lined, no doubt someone somewhere had now been alerted. He groaned and he heaved himself into sitting position, his ribs ached, his chest ached he felt like… well like he'd been through a car windscreen. He almost lost it at that. Erica's face haunted him everywhere he looked. His punishment, a life without her, had only just begun.

He screwed his eyes shut and breathed out slowly whilst shuffling to the edge of the bed. Then he heard hurried footsteps approaching fast. Damn, he hadn't been quick enough. If he could just get himself on his feet that would be proof enough that he was fine, so they wouldn't be so reluctant to let him go. He planted his feet on the ground and held his breath bracing for pain, whilst fixing his most convincing 'I'm fine' expression on his face. Getting up was surprisingly easy, yet as soon as he was up he encountered another problem. The pain from his knee had been truly masked by his ribs and various other injuries until it was time to support his body weight, and buckled completely, in a surprise protest, the moment he thought he was stable.

"Shit!" He exclaimed as he corkscrewed downwards, the last thing he needed was for them to find him on the floor, but two arms slipped underneath his and stopped him before he hit the vinyl.

"Tony what the hell are you doing!" Rhodey was still half buzzing at the fact his friend had woken up but was equally as annoyed that he was pulling his usual hospital escape stunts after everything that had happened. Tony looked up into his friends eyes, with a guilty twinkle sliding across his face.

"Ermm… There was a spider and I've got severe arachnophobia so, you know, just had to move!"

Rhodey couldn't help but chuckle whilst helping Tony back onto the edge of the bed.

"Hmmm and I suppose you've developed this phobia in the last week."

"Well, you know you can't always explain these things."

"So where is this spider then now then?"

"Ermm, I don't know could be anywhere by now, I certainly can't stay in this hospital knowing there is a dangerous creature on the loose."

Rhodey just shook his head in resignation. "Ok Tony, I'm too tired to argue with you right now, so please just let this nice doctor give you the once over… without complaining… and then I'll call Happy."

Tony pulled a face but only in show. He knew the hospital visit routine well enough by now. Rhodey was good enough to respect his need to get out of there as soon as possible, against his better judgement, so Tony would put up with one more bout of poking and prodding by a so called medical professional to put his best friend's mind at rest.

oOo

Rhodey had been expecting it, but it took Tony a long time to actually ask for it. The car was comfortable and just slightly too hot, yet Tony still shuffled uncomfortably and was clearly trying to hide that he was cold. Happy continued to ramp up the temperature at Rhodey's subtle hint whilst Tony had sat silently, staring out of the window into the city lights.

"Rhodes, I… I don't want to go back to my place tonight." It had been a hard admission for Tony to make.

Rhodey nodded coolly. "Ok, you can crash at mine."

In truth Rhodey had already got someone to make up the spare bed and borrowed some extra pillows. Happy gave a nod and mentally changed his route.

Tony had been so cool and calm since he had woken up, but Rhodey was not fooled. Most people who knew him wouldn't have noticed there was anything wrong with the young billionaire, but to Rhodey it was obvious. They were gone. The flames that usually danced so high in his eyes had disappeared, replaced by an inky blackness and with only the smallest of sparks left behind. He couldn't leave Tony alone right now, he needed to break down and that would be hard to get him to do in front of anyone. Tony was always the last to admit that anything was wrong and Rhodey was scared. His friend already seemed to be slipping away from him, he looked so broken despite his nearly flawless performance and Rhodey had no idea how to help him. Just be there, he thought, Tony had given up in that hospital bed yet he had fought his way back and why? Rhodey had to assume that it was because of him, that he had got through to Tony and made him believe that everything might just be ok one day with Rhodey's help. He had made a silent promise that day, he had to be there for Tony.

oOo

It had been a painful next six months for the pair. Rhodey has ended up moving in with Tony after a few nights spent at his place. The physical recovery had been straight forward, but the mental recovery would take a lot, lot longer. Rhodey had been there, every second of every day, by Tony's side; he gave him space of course, whenever Tony needed it. It had been so hard not to push him to open up, but he knew it would only cause him to go further within himself, he wasn't going to jeopardise the trust between them. It was frustrating just waiting, seeing a little improvement only for the next day to be a bad one and diminish that bit of hope he had built. It was a game of patience and of gentle encouragement in the hope that Tony would be able to open up to his best friend when he was ready and finally start to heal. Tony had for so long pretended that he was fine, but Rhodey had heard him sobbing on a night, whenever he thought he was alone. Every time he heard his friends sobs it made him feel so, so sick. He could barely comprehend what Tony had lost, of course he had lost his fair share but a fiancé and child amidst all that betrayal. Tony may never admit that he loved his Dad, but he did, he must have. To spend his entire life trying to live up to his father's reputation and please the man, a thankless and nigh on impossible task, he must have had a reason and that could only be love. Of course that only made the betrayal so much harder to live with. What hurt Rhodes most was that Tony was punishing himself for this, acting like it was his fault, no man can live with that guilt and Tony's was completely misplaced.

The breakthrough day finally came, but not before the darkest moment. Rhodey walked past the room he'd left for Tony and for once there was no noise, no sobbing, in fact it was deadly silent. The door was shut, he should really respect Tony's privacy but this was a break from the trend, he needed to be sure his friend was ok. He knocked, it was light but definitely audible. No answer.

Maybe he was asleep already. Rhodey turned the handle gently and silently opened the door a crack. It was dark, Tony was sat in the middle of the room, still as a statue.

Rhodey's eyes began to adjust to the light, Tony had something in his hand, something square, a photo frame? Yes it was a photo frame, he couldn't make out the picture inside but he could guess. Suddenly Tony started to move, he brought up his other hand to chest height, he was holding something long and thin. That thing caught the light streaming through the crack in the open door and it's bright glint made Rhodey's heart stopped. A knife.

Rhodey burst into the room, not stopping to turn on the light. Tony's hand dove forward, thrusting the knife with incredible accuracy towards his own chest. Rhodey jumped and landed practically in top of him. They struggled in the dark but Rhodey caught hold of the knife, ignoring the pain as it sliced into his palm. He threw it as far away as he could and went for the lights. Tony wasn't moving. The light came on and all he saw was red. There was blood everywhere.

"Tony, Tony talk to me!" He had been too late, he shouldn't have waited at the door. Tony's shirt was already open and he was covered in blood. But there wasn't enough of it. He searched for a wound but there was no stab, just a series of straight lines slit across his arms, chest and stomach.

Rhodey panted on relief, he'd got there in time. Well in time to stop him killing himself anyway.

Tony was staring blankly into space, there was clearly no one home. Rhodey bit his lip, blinking against the tears. " Oh Tony," seeing his best friend, the strongest man he knew, reduced to this, reduced to harming himself. There was only pain and misery in his eyes, all that spark and life gone. He'd thought he could look after him by himself, there were times that he's seemed better but clearly he wasn't, Rhodey needed help, professional help. Tony was in pieces.

Tony was bleeding badly, he looked pale, but there was no way of telling if that was from the blood loss or the grief. He led him to the bathroom and like a puppy Tony followed without a word. The way his face was so expressionless and the lack of life behind his eyes scared Rhodey. He had seen this once before, a solider once returning from battle utterly traumatised. He'd killed himself three weeks later. He wasn't going to let that happen to Tony.

Rhodey just kept talking to Tony, rambling about anything and everything from the news and weather to what they were going to have for breakfast. Tony didn't so much as flinch while Rhodes cleaned his wounds. Thankfully none were serious enough to need stitching and he hoped that they wouldn't scar. His arms were zigzagged with cuts so he bandaged them both above the elbow, as much for Tonys comfort as anything else.

He was just finishing the last bandage when Tony turned to look at Rhodey.

" I'm sorry." Tony's voice was so weak it was heart breaking.

"You're sorry, why Tony? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"It's all my fault."

"Tony none of this…."

"It MY fault." Tony shouted and keeled forward his body wracking with sobs. "I should have known, I should have known he would do this. I never deserved her and that's why she died, I didn't deserve her so they took her away from me."

"They?"

"The Gods, or whoever controls this shit. I never deserved to be happy, so they punished me for it and because of that she's dead, my baby is…"

Rhodey knew he needed to let Tony finish, he just held him in his arms so he knew he was there.

"It's my fault, so I did this," He held out his bandaged arms. "I need to pay for what I did, for letting her die because I got angry, because I made a mistake and led her to her death. I will spend the rest of my life paying, I need to be punished!"

Rhodey waited a few moments to make sure that he had nothing else to say.

"Tony I don't know how to convince you that it's not your fault. It's not your fault that your father made this decision, it's not your fault that you wanted to be happy and you certainly don't deserve to be punished for it. Why this had to happen I don't know. You are the strongest person I know Tony, I know you have been through a hell of a lot more than you will tell me and I don't mind, I don't, but please don't you ever think bad things keep happening to you because you deserve it."

"But that's what he said."

"That's what your father told you?" As if he could hate Howard even more than he did now.

"All my life." Tony nodded. "I keep getting hurt because I don't deserve to be alive, I don't deserve to be happy I'm not worthy enough to be loved."

"Jesus." How could Tony believe this, what had he ever done to deserve Howard as a father? "Tony, the only reason bad things keep happening to you is because of Howard, that man is evil, you have done nothing wrong. You have to believe me Tony, have I ever lied to you before?"

Tony shook his head weakly. They sat there in silence for what must have been a long time, but it felt like seconds.

"Would you stay with me, please?"

"I'm not going anywhere Tony, I'm always going to be here. I promise"

oOo

This time there was real improvement. After Tony had opened up to Rhodey he slowly started becoming his old self again, there were still bad times of course, but at least now he was grieving normally and seemed to have at least partially accepted that it wasn't his fault. The flames hadn't come back yet though. It would take time Rhodey thought, he was laughing more and more every day, getting out of the house and a twinkle was returning to his eyes.

Obadiah was very glad to see that Rhodey had managed to recover the young Stark. He and his father still weren't talking but Howard was holding it together knowing his son was as well as could be expected. Obadiah could rest easy knowing that his plan was still in place.

Rhodey was immensely proud when Tony stepped back into the world again. Taking the press in his stride and getting back to work, though he was careful to keep him far away from Howard. Tony and his Mother became even closer over those few months, she felt her son's grief despite not knowing Howard's part and they helped each other through the hard times.

It wasn't going to last, Tony was never that Lucky. Rhodey had promised not to leave him through this but the call for deployment came and despite begging for them to postpone he had no choice.

Tony seemed to take it well though, he was doing ok and he still had his mother and Obadiah was being a rock. He started to feel not so worried about going, but how was he to know what was about to happen.

oOo

Rhodey was gone. He'd said he would be there. Tony knew it wasn't his fault, but he missed his best friend so much. Talking to his Mother was ok and Obadiah was a rock but he wanted Rhodey. He'd been abandoned again, it was his own fault, and if he wasn't so messed up he wouldn't have scared his best friend away. If he wasn't such a failure his father would love him, he wouldn't have done all those things to him and Erica would still be here. The media certainly hated him, portrayed him as a rich arrogant brat, always partying and not knowing the meaning of hard work. Why did they think that? That wasn't him, but he supposed it was just another sign. He deserved it, he was being punished for his failures by having his reputation slandered.

Then they were gone. A car crash and his Mother and Howard were gone. He didn't know how to feel, he missed his mother bitterly, her loss shook him to the core but Howard? He hated the man, so why did he feel so sad. Howard Stark was worth ten of him, it should have been him in that car. It was just the world confirming what he already knew, bad things were just going to keep happening, the world was just going to keep punishing him because he didn't deserve it, and it was his fault.

He had thought about killing himself, but he didn't deserve the easy way out. He would have to live and suffer every day of his life if he was to make up for what he had done.

He gave the media what they wanted, he became the person they portrayed him as. The world needed to hate him, they needed to detest the very sight of him, he deserved every second of it. Every girl he slept with, he would see Erica, remember her pain, remember the fact he had let her burn to death. Every cruel tabloid or nickname ceased to sting because he'd started to believe his own lies, started to become the person he had used to replace his old personality. And that was just the way it had to be.

oOo

By the time Rhodey got the news of the Stark's death it was too late. The next time he saw his friend, Tony Stark was gone. He still looked like his best friend but it was like he had been scooped out and replaced with something else entirely. A lot of the time he hated the stereotype billionaire his friend had become, but he understood with a heavy heart why he had become this way. He'd broken his promise and now he would have to live with the consequences. He would stand by what was left of his friend, though he knew he would never see him again and those flames were gone for good.


End file.
